冷たい 部屋~

何か。。。寂し。。。それから。。。苦しです~

何故なら。。。解りません。。。

私 は 弱い~

。。子ども みたい の女~

。。。何 も 解りません。。。何も したくない。。。何も出来ない。。。

強くなれる 。。。

出来る？

出来ない？

____________________________

i guess life will never be the same ~

Feelings are sinking in ~

reality hits ~

somehow ~ ..i feel myself changing ~

i might be the same outside ..but i'm sure ...i'm changing ~

i'm not sure how...for the better ...or for worse ...

but something is happening inside ~

the old me ~ ..is slowly disappearing ~

その感じ。。。です~

___________________

今晩 。。。眠れない。。かも知れない。。。~

部屋 は。。何か。。。冷たい~

誰か。。。助けて~

Road to recovery ~ ...feeling better~

Hai...got the official stuff done~

stuff sent ^^

and did a little window shopping ~

I guess you can say i'm back to being myself??

Maybe ~

So happen to meet eng lyn- san when i was Photostatting the documents ~

umm..i understand now ~

people are in shock and care at the same time ~

Not to worry...

i get a lot of response saying " I'm sorry ...i don't know what to say"

well ~ a little pat on the back is already more than enough ~

i can feel the care ~

__________________

well i haven't posted blogs with pics in a very long time ne ~

only blank pages with tonnes of words ~

gomennasai ~

jya ~

TA -DA...

who knows i "meet" these few guys at popular ~

around a size of um...half a meter ..i guess...or a size of a book ~

quite expensive da ne ~ RM 20

and i don't really need it so ~

pictures will do ~

_______

um....i think eating at home is the safest and cleanest ~

We went to KFC to eat and ...

=___=...found a small cockroach in his drink ~ eeeewwww ~..it was frozen in the ice or something ~

owh well ...he says many ppl eat cockroach when they were young and all ~

=3=

*shivers*

_______________________________

I find this quite nice too ~

A dustbin ~

Talk about advertising XD

" buy me , open me , enjoy me, love me "
"I'm not a coffee cup"

DIRECT ADVERTISING!!

it was a "take -away" coffee cup design ....( Lazy to upload the top pic part ~)

This was taken a while ago...Domo-kun~

I dunno why i fall in love with this....

emi-chan should take part of the blame ~

XD

This was worth the price i guess ..it's big and huggable ...can become cute pillow ~

but i guess i don't need it ne ~

have to start saving ^^ ~

If i want a fender ~

nyuuu~

I forgot to set the upload to medium size ~

owh well ~

*eidt: ahhh ~ ^^ you can click on the pic and see it full sizeee~ ..wow... 2mp camera not too bad eh ~ ..compared to 3.2 pm SE with small screen ~ ..this is much better ^w^ *happy*

___________

I guess i'll be jogging again today ...

didn't jog the last few days ~

The main thing is to stay fit and build stamina ~

Coz stamina is what i lack...and i felt better after jogging the other day ~

so ...." do stuff that will make you feel better "

I wanna cut my hair too ~

shoulder length ???

or just an inch ...coz the thickness is bothering me ~

i'll think it over ^^ ~

jya ~

matta ne ~

Adjusting ~

hmm...

yeah...

i was spaced out wasn't i?? ^^"" gomenneh ~

Turns out i want the only one...i guess it happens~

eto~ ..like how i wrote the wrong date ( lost track of time) for the exam attendance sheet ~

And how i dropped my purse ~ ...and i was lucky that someone noticed ~ ''^/\-

tomorrow...owh ..wait..TODAY..will have to get some official stuff done ~

and get out of this room for a while ~

seriously being in this room will make you feel like junk ~

after tomorrow i'll start hitting the books ~

lol..if i can absorb THAT much in just one day..who know what i can do ( with help of course ^^)

if i study wholeheartedly ~

HAI...slowly adjusting and being back to my old self

Mum says ...dad dried our tears and is saying " you don't need to cry anymore "

guess it's not because my tear glands are dry ne ~~

I am stronger now...coz dad is a part of me ~

and will continue down this road ~

he is with Him ~

we all can feel it...and yeah =_= ..he is demanding that i get some sleep NOWW!

so ..no more " i'm having insomnia...can't sleep till after 2am "

sono kanji desune ~

un ~ ..i asked a friend to help me get to the post office ne ~

need to get stuff done ~

should i send a fan mail?? keke ...maybe ~

i'll see~

jya ~

Oyasumi

thanks to all that helped us ~

and thanks to all the friends that encouraged me ~

thanks to all that offered their help and prayers

arigatouuu ~

May God bless ~

Dad...i will be stronger ..for you and for mum and sis as well ~

Memories ...

Hmm...

Actually not many knows bout Dad's passing ...

I only told one of my course mate...

Apparently the news spread...i'm not sure how far though ~

I told the first few people ~ My trusted friends ...

In a state of shock and confusion i sent one message to the wrong number ~

I planned not to tell..but it is not right of me to not inform ~

So after the funeral , I told my HS friends ~

_________________

I know dad want's me to come back here to take the test ...

Mum is doing fine with everyone's support , prayer and help...

We are all staying strong ~

I can't do much at home either ~..if i postponed the exam, i would have to stay back and wait..so it's better to get it over with and head back to help with whatever that needs to be done ~

I can't seem to concentrate now ( obviously) ...

My mind and eyes are tired ..no mater how much i slept ~

But i'll try my best ~

Will be jogging later ....coz i know dad want's me tp

T_______T

I have no idea what will happen to me when i see all the familiar faces tomorrow during exams

I avoided all the crowded places and places with a lot of people ~

I'm not sure how to face people and also the exam ~

;_______;

i didn't want many ppl to know...because i'd make me emotional ~....

*sigh*

_________________

I wanna thank all my friends who sent condolences and those who went all the way just to help ~

I was actually touched when my friends came for a visit ~

And also here last night ...a friend came over to accompany me ~

Not forgetting senpai ... when i entered her blog ~ i saw something ...Consoled ...when i saw that ~

_______________

What am i feeling right now?..

I'm not so sure myself ~

I feel like something was ripped away from me ~

Yet ...i feel like he is actually on a trip ~... still waiting for him to come home ~

I remember the days when i would sit on his shoulders, gripping his hair with both hands to make sure i don't fall...

I remember how it felt..sitting on his shoulder ..he was a strong built, health conscious man ... so i felt secure ...

I remember the times i fell asleep at the couch ...half awake, i'd feel his foot steps as he carried me up the stairs and lay me gently on my bed ~

I remembered how we waited anxiously for his weekly return on Friday night when i was 4-5 ...he'd first peek through the big glass window and we'd call his name in excitement ~

Yes ..he had his temper ...i won't deny that...but he never brought suffering for us ....

He doesn't smoke at all, he'd drink very very occasionally HALF a can of beer ~

He established rules that brought me and my sis to who we are today ~

He never owed anyone anything ~

He treated me like a little girl ..occasionally reminding me to drink plenty of water , eat enough fruits , exercise, and yeah...(giggles) wash my face in school...

Everyone remembers him for being a joker ...he can talk to just about anyone ~

I can remember his smile ..when he is telling some joke or trick ...and wondering if it will work on us ~

He loves nature ....he loves the "san pa" or village ~

he'd go there visiting relatives ...old and young ...and would not hesitate to help ~

He wanted to retire there ....

But God has called him back ~

The night before the funeral ...

I wasn't sure if it was just something i pictured or a dream ~

Dressed in a smart coat , he was sitting on the garden full of lush green grass and colourful flowers like he would sit on the floor ...

he had a smile on his face...and he said " What to do? the Big Guy want's me back"

i had tears in my eyes ....

Happy coz he is back with the Lord ...and sad because he left us ~

but Dad ...you have fulfilled your duty of securing a future for me ~

so you can rest in piece ...

________

The Funeral

Dad was laid to rest Friday morning ~

I hasn't been raining in my hometown for quite sometime ~

But the night before the funeral , it started raining...

it rained ..all the time, non stop ...from the hospital to Church , from the church and during the funeral ...it wasn't pouring heavily...some sort of light rain ..a little heavier that a drizzle ~

somewhat , it consoles us ~ ...

Surprisingly after the funeral ...the rain stopped ~

and it hasn't rained since ~

_________________

In Loving Memory of my dad

1959- 2010

I love you dad ...

___________

I have a favor to ask ^^

Please pray for his soul ~

Prayers ...it helps ~

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